Talkie Toaster
Note:
It can be easy to forget the title and the first paragraph when reading
this. I do have a lot of fun with the analogy, but if you never
forget the point of this, the title, you will not get lost. Always remember,
Toasters are People too. :-)
Red Dwarf
All societies have need for a variety of people to perform various jobs
or functions, in this case, need a variety of certain numbers of appliances
to keep things running smoothly; an X number of toasters, a Y number of
waffle makers, and a Z number of crock pots. Though so-called "planned"
economies such as Cuba, China, and the former Soviet Union tried to manage
this, supposedly making sure there were always the right ratio of toasters
to quizenarts, they were not all successful at it.
The number of toasters became more important in the Soviet Union than the
quality of the toasters. Some toasters didn't toast at all. Others were
more likely to short-out your electricity, start a fire, or burn your toast,
than to give you nicely toasted bread products. Though not without modest
improvements, such as toasters which did not need electricity at all but
could run almost completely on alcohol, there was little concern about
whether or not most of their toasters were world-class competitive, state
of the art, particularly low-maintenance, or could even just make
toast, just so long as you had enough of them to overcome the fact many
of them could not consistantly make toast to save their own lives.
It is erroneously viewed that so-called "market" economies don't care as
much whether they have enough toasters. We think that these governments
don't care if people have toast or not, and that if there is a market demand
for toast, someone inevitably will find a way to provide toast to them
regardless of government policies, kind of like illegal drugs. This is
a mistaken assumption. Even the most Darwinian Conservative governments
keep tabs on whether or not they have enough toasters, how much toast people
are eating, what they put on their toast, and if those substances are legal
or not. They remember well what the toaster shortages did to the planned
economies and are determined that they will never get caught with their
pants down like the communist countries, and never have shortages of anything
people can be convinced they need to buy, unless to drive up prices by
manufacturing shortages like Cabbage Patch dolls, Beanie Babies, Talking
Elmos, or crude oil.
So even in market economies, the number of toasters is heavily scrutinized.
In the good old days, governments would increase funding to schools if
they thought they would have a toaster shortage coming soon. This would
benefit their own economies, as not only more toasters would help them
overall, increasing their wealth and GDP, but they would need to have more
toaster makers as well, new schools just for training new toasters could
be built, and more construction projects, all to make sure no one ever
has to worry about searching for decent toast.
Nowadays though, the world is globalized. Countries that actually try to
make sure they are creating enough toasters to service their own economies
by increasing spending are now doing something bad by that, they are "subsidizing"
an inefficient toaster making capability. If other countries can make toasters
cheaper, it is better to move your economies focus to allowing your companies
to import more foreign toasters, and lay off or retrain your toasters which
require more electricity. When this leads to political problems with your
toasters or other kitchen appliances worried about being replaced in the
kitchen with foreign made brands, they find it easier just to outsource
the toasting altogether. The toasting is still being done by foreign toasters,
but it is not as in-your-face and no one has to see or think about that
because they never actually will meet the toasters that are now making
their toast.
The question then becomes, what do we do with all our existing toasters
which require more electricity? Toasters were made to be toasters, and
many cannot simply be reinvented into something similar and toaster-like,
such as mitten warmers or cigarette lighters. They often need to be completely
recycled, reprogrammed, and made into something else entirely.
The perceived obligation to do this by governments varies from an accepted
duty as in European countries to downright laughability at any obligation
whatsoever in countries like the United States. It is true that a market
economy gives a government a barrier of accountability. They can simply
say, "Who asked you to be a toaster anyway?" This of course overlooks the
fact that becoming toasters often required for many thousands of dollars
of training, years of sacrifices, all to become a certified toaster in
a country that sudden decides it can afford to send all its bread elsewhere,
and take back the toast to sell to the magically retrained former toasters,
now banished to working other rooms, such as electric toothbrushes.
Former planned economies of Eastern Europe and even the market economies
of Western Europe have a greater sense of obligation to help working, functional
toasters who, through no fault of their own, suddenly find they have nothing
to toast. Unlike the United States, they have laws which say they cannot
simply cut off everyone's benefits after two years and let them starve
if they have not managed to reinvent themselves into a more useful appliance
(which may well also soon become unnecessary). In former communist countries,
this obligation is justified by the fact many can rightly say, "I never
wanted to be a toaster in the first place. You made me a toaster and now
it is your fault if you don't need toasters anymore. Deal with it!"
The attitudes of any given society towards the financial needs of its former
toasters (and other kitchen appliances) I feel is the best indicator of
the value and morality of that society. It is analogous to how they treat
their elderly. Once deemed no longer useful or valued by a society, many
societies will simply turn their back on you and hope you go quietly away
from sight. The Soviet Union was by and large a horrible country that treated
people like garbage, yet because it was short on people compared with its
aspirations (not coincidentally from killing off tens of millions of them
pointlessly), it actually tried to make sure people had something to do
and a way to survive if they could work. Not caring what they wanted to
be doing, nor if their aptitudes were best being utilized, or if their
toasters could in fact actually make toast, all were good reasons for that
government to be replaced.
Unfortunately it has not been replaced with ones that have any better idea
of what to do with the toasters they no longer need, but unlike the United
States, have to pretend at least to care even if they do not care. For
like the Soviet Union, Russia and other new states have too few people
and are too poor to simply waste their human resources by assuming it will
all take care of itself without need to have their idle toasters cooking
again, and soon, or their governments will function more like revolving
doors, coalitions constantly collapsing in more democratic countries, and
coups and counter-coups in less democratic ones.
© 2005 By Jared DuBois
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