The major "competing" oil companies, together with their partnership companies in the military industrial complex consortium family of companies, have announced a new program to reward their biggest customers of gasoline products. If you drive a large SUV above a certain number of miles on average per month, the amount has not yet been determined but the amount in dollars may be as little as $4000 per month, you can qualify for your own "preferred citizen card."

          This new card program is scheduled to celebrate following they and their partners in the consortium's successful bombing campaign on Iran and the ensuing $7 per gallon gas prices that will follow as sure as the sun will rise. A doubling of their profits and the price of gasoline is also simply the merest low end of their potentials, so the "preferred citizen card" may be in the range of even those who simply drive large gas guzzling cars or sports cars with many extra cylinders coupled with the right lead feet or bad ass attitudes. Don't fret about the heightened risk of terrorist attacks and potential nuclear fallout of a world on the brink of destruction, think about how much closer you will be the higher the gas prices will climb to qualifying for your own "preferred citizen card!"

          I know, you're thinking, what benefits can I get with a "preferred citizen card?" The "preferred citizen card" program, though tentative and embryonic at this point, its aim is to roll many of the benefits of different programs available to "special" people into a single card you can use to show your "special" status anywhere in the regime and make those who might be rounded up and tortured without trial, yes those dirty foreign people, drool over your privileged citizen status that simply showing the card will ensure you will receive at many companies, banks, and courthouses all over the world!

          Think of all the great programs for "special" customers all rolled into one! Far beyond the typical lower rates for credit, no fees for banking (or parking anywhere, think of it as a get out of parking ticket free program!), getting to go in "preferred customer" lines in banks, car rentals, and airlines, coupled with the benefits of auto clubs, but far beyond existing limitations. 

          Instead of merely towing your car for free should you have an accident or flat, or post your bail like an auto club card, your "preferred citizen card" will even do what you as a privileged member of society ought to be expected to do, if you suffer the misfortune and unlikely event of finally being brought before the law for your discreet indiscretions, it will pay your fines for you! (To a point, O.J. type fines for serial killings may require paying a special premium fee. Consult your tax accountant if you plan on killing people.) Now not only is jail time for members of those "other" classes. Your fellow members of your golf club who have to pay fines for their dalliances and faux pas, will envy that you can just flash the card, and your fines are as washed away as your sins, and even in some cases you may get in a faster trial cue or skip the unnecessary and pointless waste of time and taxpayer dollars of a "trial" altogether!

          Other civic natured benefits like these < g >, you as a member of the governing class coupled with this card will receive is that it pays for your access to a large number of Congresspersons for free! The "preferred citizen card" program includes HMO-styled lunches with any Congressperson who is on the consortium's payroll, the largest provider to funds to Congress members outside of foreign lobbies, and if in the unlikely event that your Congressperson is not on the list, a substitute candidate of equal stature is likely to be found in a nearby state.

          Nothing says "put me on the no bid contract list" more than a thousand-dollar-a-plate luncheon with your Congress member (or one of our suitable substitutes), and now it is just one of the many many benefits you will receive free if you decide to join, and qualify for, and can afford, this exciting new program. I know this article sounds like an advertisement, but that is only because with benefits like these, who wouldn't want to be in the "preferred citizen card" program? 

          I know I would, and most other members of the press would as well. In fact, this card program is intended to be offered complimentary to members of the press and politicians as well as police, judges, Telecom and Internet company executives whose willingness to "bend" (and sometimes torture < g >) the rules have made these perks possible. Those in the consortium know Rome wasn't self-immolated in a day, and it takes the constant graft and willingness by members of these groups to defy the law and the Constitution, as well as those laughable things called journalistic and professional ethics, to make programs such as this possible. 

          It is literally the least the consortium could do to share the wealth, and the least, like as in promoting new lesser "definitions" of civil rights, human rights, and equal justice, is now what America is known the world over for. Sign up in advance today and vote for your favorite oil company logo to be on your own personal card, and if you pick the correct logo, it could be the one chosen as the symbol card of the "preferred citizen card" program which you can use for the additional bonus benefit to also get a free tombstone for your self-respect, should ever your indifference die.