I have included about 1 page before getting to Assistwo's Alternate Evil 2D Perpendicular Universe Dream to set it up, and for those unfamiliar with the characters to be able to tell the difference, and to show how it fits into a different larger story as being strange. Well, it is obviously most definitely strange anyway, but in the sense of a change of pace, "strange". This turned out to be my way of introducing the concept of gravity to the story, which like most stories like Flatland set in 2D universes is probably never addressed because it would then seem one dimensional, not two, and not relevant to the examples I and others use a 2D world to represent. Plus gravity would make everyone EVIL. All that having to constantly be jumping over things would be just too frustrating. Assistwo is such a lovable ridiculous character for me, it was fun trying to make him look evil.
 

           "Not if I am the one having to pay for the gasoline," Assistwo joked. "But I get what you are saying, if we both are moving sychronously in a curved Universe equal distances apart in all directions,  it would take the same amount of energy to slow down and let you come to me as to increase my speed faster in a direction we both are heading in, and from opposite points of view, I would be doing both at the same time. You are lucky this ride looks sufficiently cool and mind-bending because I doubt many will understand the logic it represents. Do you have others planned?"
 

6.7: The Gravity Flyswatter Ride

           "The Gravity Flyswatter Ride," Inventor said. "Is there an echo in here? As we have already mentioned, there is no such thing as gravity in our 2D Universe or everything would seem one dimensional and we never would have been able to make just about every point we have made relative to a 3D universe. Gravity takes away a dimension by pulling everything toward everything else. Since we more or less float around, we can move in both dimensions, north/south, east/west, freely and make the examples necessary to make. If we had gravity, we would be stuck to a "ground" and only be able to move alongside it and jump up and down over things. Other than jumping and jumping while moving, by being able to move mostly only left and right, we would seem more or less one dimensional."

           "Gravity is stupid," Assistwo added.

           "Pretty much, but not having it not only has made our world relevant to the 3D examples, we get to discover it and by doing so, give a better perspective upon it, " Inventor reasoned.

           "So if we think gravity is a bad idea, taking away one of our only 2 dimensions, why would you want to make a ride out of it? That sounds mostly for educational purposes only and that is not as profitable. We do have to always think of the bottom line when inventing new rides," Assistwo said haughtily. "Making ever greater profits is after all, the sole point of existence you know."

           "Quite the capitalist you are becoming off of my ideas," Inventor joked. Assuming Assistwo was joking too, he continued, "I think it will be fun depending on how it is done."

           "Why call it "The Gravity Flyswatter Ride"?" Assistwo asked.

           "Because of how we squish bugs. Since technically all our bugs are "flies" since we don't have a ground, our flyswatters push the bugs at a greater speed with them stuck to it until we splatter them against a wall or other object."

           "I don't think we could afford the insurance premiums for a ride like that," Assistwo added.

           "Basically it follows the same principles as the centrifuge, only reversed. If you hold on to the wall of the centrifuge, you get stuck to it because you are constantly pushed up against its wall. With the Gravity Flyswatter Ride that is reversed, so instead of being on the inside of a circle with "up" being toward the center, you would be stuck to the outside of a circle and away from the center would be the "up" direction," Inventor explained.

           "Sounds like fun but I would hate to be stuck to the outside of a circle for the rest of my life. I had a bad dream about that once," Assistwo said.

           "Gravity is limiting but does have certain advantages. We in a weightless environment have to constantly push off of things to get anywhere. All that bouncing around from one thing to another, if you think about it, gets to be a drag after awhile. I can't count all the times I woke up in the middle of my bedroom having to twist around more than a 2D cat to get myself back to the wall rings to get around again. Gravity is like constantly being pressed against a wall so you will always have something to get traction against to move around on and by."

           "OK, I'm game. Despite having a bad feeling about the idea of being stuck to a wall, I have thought the bugs must have a pretty good time before the wall hits them, kind of like driving really fast until you hit the tree. Being stuck to the outside of a circle instead of the inside of one would be an interesting perspective. When do we get started on it?"
 

7.1: And now for something REALLY completely different: Assistwo's Evil Perpendicular Universe Dream

           Assistwo woke up in the evil parallel 2D, ok, the evil perpendicular 2D world, the one with gravity. He was correct, gravity was stupid. In this Universe, called Scrolling World because he could only move left and right and jump over things, he was no longer the wealthy assistant to the even wealthier Inventor. In this reality, he was a cook at a chain restaurant called McFrugals.  Though he was, as in the real 2D world, still a brilliant scientist, in this evil 2D Universe, scientists were only valued and employed if willing to make weapons of mass destruction, devise new ways to manipulate people psychologically through subliminal advertising, coming up with new ways to rig peoples own computers, security cameras, and webcams to spy on them to help the secret police, or for devising new justifications and models for cheating poorer peoples out of their lands, money, and resources to make them all servants of The Corporations or die.

           Because Evil Assistwo grew up in this backward Universe, he saw nothing wrong with any of that and would have been quite willing to do any of the above, he just never caught any of the breaks like the real Assistwo did. In this evil Universe, his government was willing to hire all foreign scientists to make all their weapons of mass destruction because they did not have to pay them as much, could deport, torture, or shoot them without trials because they were foreigners (which made them more likely to show up for work on time), and above all, in hopes they would steal some of those ideas to build similar weapons in their own countries so Assistwo's country would have a good excuse for either invading them and taking all their stuff, or just simply killing them so they could use up their weapons and need to make more to keep up their weapons industry, the largest and most profitable industry on the planet, giving it even greater profits.

           Unlike the good 2D Universe without gravity, the disappearing circles in the perpendicular Universe simply passed through it horizontally appearing as lines smart enough not to hang around that Universe as most of their mass was outside of it and they would not have been happy sponges there. (a reference to  4.5: Pivot points: Upsetting the happy sponge) Besides that, they were hunted and killed by those in this Universe and turned into the hamburgers Assistwo cooked at McFrugals.

           Because people in this violent perpendicular Universe never thought to study these circles, just killed them and ate them as a free if inexplicable food source, Inventor never got his funding to study them, so Assistwo never got his lucky break as Inventor's assistant. Yet even in this evil universe, Assistwo's brilliance, tempered now with ruthless cunning, eventually paid off and he worked himself up to the envious position as an assistant manager at a new McFrugals opening up soon.

           Because this was a dream, it all seemed both strange and familiar to him at the same time. What was most strange was the body he had to get around with in this gravity enabled world. His body was not as soft, not designed for constantly bumping into things bouncing off on one object to another. Walls were smooth now too, no ring hooks to grab onto. Though "stairs" were like ring hooks, they were only needed when trying to go "up" and "over" things, most of the time impossible without jumping because there was no way to walk around supporting columns in a 2D plus gravity world, and lifting a door was liable to bring the roof down.

           Now one of his "arm" pairs was usually in contact with the surface at all times, except when moving which was basically leaning forward and falling, and catching himself with another of the "arm pairs" as much as it was pushing himself along. Because this body was not constantly bouncing off of things, hitting things or getting hit by them at greater speeds tended to cause injuries and pain. Pain was pretty much a defining aspect of this evil Universe, and not doing it to others was usually a good source of revenue if you were stronger or had more or better weapons.

           One of the perks of his new position of power was that he got to decide who to hire, give employment to, and thereby prevent from starving to death because many had no jobs and the government forbid people not to have jobs, but would not give them any either, so not having one was a leading cause of death.

           Evil Assistwo loved his new power of life and death over those even more unfortunate than himself as much as his superiors enjoyed weilding it over him. By coincidence, one of those looking for a job was a familiar name to him somehow, maybe from a dream he once had of a freer world without gravity, rampant corruption, price tags on everyone's lives and self-respect, and one with hope.

           "I see it says here your name is "Inventor". That is a really strange name."

           "No more strange than Assistwo," he said daring the slightest hint of a smile.

           "Hey!!! You must show respect for my authoritaaaay!!!" Assistwo yelled while knocking over a table for effect. Having gravity was nice because it just laid there instead of bouncing around the room incessantly after that. The dramatic pause and silence was nicer than it bouncing around during the whole interview or having to stop it. That would have looked silly.

           "My apologies my liege. I will speak no more against you, to me you are like a God, and I but your lowly humble servant," Inventor said showing the full proper humility and deference to Assistwo's superior socio-economic status required by law.

           "That's more like it! Its good to be the king!!! I mean the assistant manager, of course," Assistwo said momentarily not wanting to use the word "assistant" in this lowly jobless person's presence for some reason.

           "So it says here your intelligence marks are off the charts. You must consider yourself a real brainiac. What's a genius like you doing in a burger joint like this if you are so smart?"

           "I don't want to make weapons or work for a government that is oppressive. In our state, that puts me on the shit list," Inventor replied.

           "Well I don't believe you are that smart! No one smart would say something so stupid, even in my dream. The government is always right. You deserve to be poor. I myself would kill for the chance to make weapons of mass destruction like you could.  You may kiss my feet now to show you agree with me."

           Inventor hesitated imperceptibly and then complied.

           "You hesitated!!!" Assistwo screamed, "Why should I hire you now?"

           "It said "imperceptibly"", Inventor said in defense.

           "Yes but this is my dream and that makes me the narrator too this time. Whatever intelligence you have, it certainly isn't showing. Actually that is why I haven't dismissed you yet, it makes me feel superior. No one wants employees who make them feel inadequate. But how do I know you are not just playing dumb? How do I know once I hire you, you won't in the back of your mind think I am foolish or even wrong on occasion! In short, why would I ever hire someone smarter than myself? You might poison me and try to take my job!" Assistwo said trying his best to inspire both fear and dread simultaneously.

           "Because I have proven I have no ambition. If I am not willing to be obscenely wealthy profiting from making horrible weapons to further enrich a despotic regime, why would I kill someone to become an assistant manager at McFrugals?"

           "I am not quite sure if you dissed my job or showed disrespect for my authority again enough for me to throw things again, it is cool they just stop by themselves, but I must admit, you have a point there," Assistwo conceded. "But why should I risk having someone around who might secretly occasionally think he is smarter than me, huh,  answer that one smart boy!!"

           "Because it shows your greater power more acutely by being able to force smarter people than you to have to grovel before you daily just to survive another day?" Inventor said as humbly as he could manage.

           "My God," Assistwo exclaimed, "you are a smart one aren't you? OK, you have proven your worthiness to have an extended conversation with someone as powerful as I am. Now what is with this gravity shit? I have been trying to figure things out, I was trained as a scientist too, and maybe it is just because it is a dream but this gravity thing is really freaking me out and it is nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of."
 

7.2: Bouncing off of Evil Inventor

           Evil Inventor maybe able to be called Evil Inventor because he is the version of Inventor in Assistwo's Evil Perpendicular 2D Universe, but he was not AN evil inventor because he consciously and conscientiously, a strange word in this Universe, chose NOT to be forced to invent things for helping his evil republic's overlords. Because of this choice, to survive in this evil alternate Universe, he had been reduced to begging for a menial burger cooking job or be starved out of existence because his evil republic's overlords demanded he have one to obtain food, yet would not give him one, and interfered on occasion with is getting a decent one. Still, he showed his cleverness for being able to survive this strange set of circumstances long enough to be able to beg for that job, and he saw a weakness in power-crazed Evil Assistwo's lack of understanding of the Universe and decided to exploit that weakness to his own advantage.

           He was not cunning like Evil Assistwo, who fit in a little too well in this alternate Universe he thought, but he had shown his genius at being able to survive without turning as bad as those around him. He would not use Assistwo's lack of knowledge to kill him, take his job, take money from him, or make him humiliated or degraded as most would do in this Universe in his position, but he would use that weakness to try to gain a little respect.

           "Since you know of my intellect's reputation, I would be most eager to debate with you the potential ramifications of living in a Universe with an extra and possibly superfluous law called gravity which has a habit of messing up our equations as well as limiting our movements to one dimension less, but I ask a heavy price in return," Inventor explained.

           "Ah! I see you are a worthy adversary for me to clean my teeth on!" Evil Assistwo said, "Let the games begin! OK, they are not really games. Lets get out the Lawyers! Let the negotiations commence!"

           While lawyers need to be consulted on practically every matter when two people wanted to agree on any issue in this evil Universe, Inventor, being jobless, was not able to afford a civil attorney for such matters and had to act as his own counsel.

           While waiting for Assistwo's attorney to arrive, Inventor tried to make small talk. "How good an attorney for potential hiring conversation negotiations does McFrugals help one of its assistant managers to pay for?" Inventor asked.

           "A better one than I ever got as a cook, I'll tell you. Man, was that guy dense. If the evil republic did not legally require us to need lawyers for practically every aspect of our daily lives, I swear this guy would not have been able to feed himself if you put his food in a locked combination box lunchbox with the combination written on the top. But that is what happened when the lawyers took over the government. They just made themselves more and more necessary until you need to have them with you on dates to make sure you are not making any promises or suggestions you might not be able to deliver on later. This guy's not too bad, though I have to pay most of my wages to him of course. McFrugals doesn't cover much. He used to be one of a team of music instruction class lawyers for one of our republic's overlords when he was in the third grade. He helped him get out of having to memorize by heart three patriotic propaganda songs, at least the way he tells it anyway," Assistwo said.

           "Wow. Sounds impressive. Though I doubt those being groomed for leadership roles as children of the overlords, they really have to follow those rules as much as we do anyway," Inventor suggested.

           "Just be glad my lawyer wasn't here to hear you say that. You'd be having to defend that statement in court for the rest of your life. You are lucky I won't blackmail you with that. I have suspected the same thing myself despite what the song, "Overlords Are Super Special People But Also People Like You" says."

           After the lawyer arrived, Assistwo and Inventor were able to come to terms on the ground rules for their conversation about gravity in the context of Inventor's application for an entry cook's position at below minimum training wage at McFrugals. No special consideration was to be given for any points he made in the conversation to his job application, nor would any statements, corrections of Assistwo, or opposing ideas be held against his getting the job. Assistwo was required to refrain from making comments such as "You may kiss my feet now to show you agree with me," and temporarily refrain from making any requests to doing anything extremely humiliating and distasteful to retain consideration for employment for the duration of the gravity conversation only. Assistwo was particularly insistent upon an early sunset clause for that limitation. He remained however, free to berate Inventor's poverty and lower socio-economic position, and the right to throw objects weighing less than 5 kilograms at Inventor whenever he disliked what he was hearing from him.

           "You are going to have to go first," Inventor said, "You are the one who has problems with this world with gravity and, as you said, it is your dream."

           "Of course it is my dream. Why would it be your dream? I am the one with all the power here now!" Assistwo bellowed.

           "But even with all of your so-called "power"", Inventor replied, "You are still dependent upon people like me to tell you things you can't figure out on your own. Score 3 points for the homeless person."

           "You never said you were homeless! Why would you tell me that? You know I am legally forbidden from hiring you. Homeless people are non-persons who have been sentenced to starve to death slowly because they are guilty of the heinous crime of poverty," Assistwo said in disbelief.

           "True, but I mentioned it to make the point you just made. You are right, and to show how screwed up our world is. You are not allowed to get a job if you have no home and you cannot pay for a home without a job. I said it because I *AM* a non-person sentenced to starve slowly to death, and because our agreement forbids you from considering it as a factor now because you found that out in the course of this conversation," Inventor said triumphantly.

           "Damn lawyers!!! Stupid ****in' homeless person!! If you weren't so thin, malnourished, and diseased, I ought to grind you into burgers and serve you up for dinner to us who work for a living, at least then you would be contributing something to society for a change!" Assistwo screamed as venomently as he could manage.

           "That was a little over the top, don't you think?" Inventor corrected.

           "Yes, but I am supposed to be evil, but all I am allowed to do now is berate your poverty and throw things at you, but I could not find anything under 5 kilos. Wait a minute, I did not see that toaster."

           Whap!

           "Feel better now?" Inventor asked.

           "I don't know, did it hurt?" Assistwo asked.

           "Yes."

           "Ok then, I feel a little better. What I don't understand about this gravity world is practically everything but you can start on my body."

           "Remember our contract," Inventor warned.

           "No, I mean I don't understand it. Why are these arm thingies so stiff and only bend in a few places?"

           "You may not realize it because your body has grown in this environment, but it takes a lot of work to keep upright and from sinking into a big blob of mush on the ground. Your stiffer frame minimizes the amount of work needed to keep your body upright off the ground," Inventor explained.

           "Ok, what about that?" Assistwo asked. "Why is my head always so far away from the ground. What if I fall over?"

           "I don't know why you want to keep your head so far away from the ground. Why not go into the alley where I have to sleep at night and put your face closer to the ground? You might find out," Inventor suggested.

           "Why is my butt so big? It seems there is a lot of unnecessary fat there which serves no purpose whatsoever. It isn't even aesthetically pleasing and serves no function," Assistwo asked inquiringly.

           "I don't know, you could try going on a diet. Be thankful you don't have a desk job," Inventor joked.

           Assistwo searched frantically for something under 5 kilos.  "Where did that toaster go?" he asked.  "What about my eyes?" he added when he could not find anything to throw.
 

7.3: Eyes on the horizontal prize

           "What about your eyes?" Inventor responded.

           "I have two but they are both on the same side of my head so I have to bend my neck all the way backwards to see what is behind me. I miss being able to turn around. Wouldn't it make more sense to have one on each side so I can see what is behind me when I wish to back up?" Assistwo asked.

           "That is a good question, but not applicable to gravity. Even in your "normal" 2D world, you could not see what was behind you, which from what you say about the size of your ass, may be a good thing after all. It would make understanding when you are moving toward something, you have to be moving away from something or somewhere else easier. Clearer insight into that would have been helpful when contemplating curved spacial environments," Inventor answered.

           "Ok, here is another eye question for you," Assistwo began. "While theoretically I can position my neck at any angle, most of the time it is always pointing ahead at that point where the ground touches the sky. I understand the need for this when moving because it is halfway between looking down to avoid falling into lava or a hole by jumping forward, and looking up to find vines to swing over things avoiding possible pitfalls, and to see if anything is falling down at me from the sky I might need to move or jump to avoid. Damn Scrolling World!!! Every time you want to go to the store, it is like playing an antique video game!! Why do I always look at things this way when not moving, deciding which way something should be pointed "up" and always choosing to view things and people at such an angle?"

           "That is a natural side effect from being raised in a world with gravity," Inventor replied. "Unless something is falling at you from the sky, before we had bombs, missiles, and laser weapon satellites, people actually never had to worry about bad things raining down on them from above besides rain and occasionally lightning or hail. Thus most of the things you would have to be concerned about would start to come at you seemingly very small near the horizon getting bigger as they got closer to you. We still naturally keep our attention at that point, a line for 3D people, not just a point for us, and that is a good reason to keep our heads up as high as possible, so we can see over as many things as possible and see things further away seeming to come at us out of that point. Because we are usually looking at things at the same angle with our heads held high, we tend to view how we see things at that angle as the right or correct way of seeing them if they are usually in the same position relative to gravity. As you mentioned, it is nice sometimes that gravity tends to hold things in place and stop them from moving if the ground is level, so things except wheels are built to be stable in that position held to the ground by gravity. Other animals or other people tend to move across the ground in the same manner so we think they have a "topside" and a "bottom-side", a correct way to look at them while they are suck "upright" to a ground by gravity."

            "Ok," Assistwo answered, "Its a whole environment at once thing. You look across because that is where you may eventually be or will be, and what might be moving toward you will be coming from, and how things seem to "stand" while stuck to the ground by gravity, Now why is it so hard to get around? I loved being able to go around things. I think the reason people are so angry all the time in this reality, trying to control everything and everyone, is because we are always getting in each other's way. You being so malnourished and all, it is easy for me to get by you by jumping over you, you are as thin as a post, but some of these people are so fat it is really hard to clear them. And then they hit you for landing on them when you were only trying to get by them. I know from my limited research on 3D, in such an environment you could actually still go around people even with gravity. Maybe they might be nicer to each other, but gravity sure makes it hard to get past large groups of people in 2D Scrolling World. All that jumping is ridiculous!"

            "Maybe it would be easier for people to stay out of each other's way in 3D," Inventor surmised. "It certainly from our point of view would seem like the best of both worlds, have the constant traction for pushing off against a "ground" that gravity provides along with the ability to also go around people too. Just because they CAN get out of each others way doesn't mean they would, or would be able to if there was too many of them in all directions. Things grow to become a factor in defining their own environment. People in this evil 2D world can be so bothered by what other people are doing whom they never will or never would see, they would travel around to the opposite ends of our 2D world we call a "planet" just to stop them from doing something they don't like. With too many people or people wanting everyone to behave as they say, it can become impossible to get out of each other's way when someone targets your existence as something they wish to eliminate, or have conform to their expectations."

           "For someone who is not choosing to profit from this evil perpendicular 2D Universe, you sure seem to have a handle on it so much I wouldn't mind killing you myself. You really are not trying to enjoy this place enough!" Evil Assistwo replied. "It is fun trying to make everyone do what you say, grovel and beg for another day's existence, fear you and be willing to degrade themselves for your pleasure. You really ought to try to lighten up"

           "I will take that as a compliment. So I take it I am not getting the job then?" Inventor asked.

           "Not a chance in hell. Its not that I would not like to have you around to advise me and generally control your life like a puppet and all, but this chick that came in before you, Hoshi, she was really hot and eager to do literally anything to get the job."

           "She will probably try to kill you and take your job if she was THAT ambitious.  Your butt *IS* very big, after all," Inventor said feeling freer to talk knowing he had no chance for employment.

           "True, she probably would, but the fun I might have in the meantime!" Assistwo said. "Its probably worth it."

           "Well, you stayed within the limits of the contract," Inventor conceded. "Any last questions about gravity?"

           "Yes as a matter of fact, I almost forgot the most important question I had about gravity, What the **** is it?"

           "That's the easiest one. It is..., what is that noise?" Inventor asked.

           "Nothing, please go on, it is...." Assistwo said losing his patience which in this Universe is even shorter than in the real one.

           "I definitely hear a buzzing and its getting louder... It is your alarm clock!" Inventor deduced.

           "I said it is nothing! Ignore it! Explain to me what gravity is or I will have you executed for lying on a job application! I am the one in control here!!!" Assistwo said struggling to maintain his fierceness as the buzz began to drain all his power away.

           "In your dreams maybe," Inventor said looking suddenly not in the least malnourished. "Now hurry up or you will be late for work again, or I will figure out a way to let the real Inventor know he has at least one free shot at you with a toaster."

           "Damn!" Assistwo said rubbing his eyes, "If I only set the alarm 5 minutes later I would rule this World!" Now more awake he pondered whether that was just his weird sense of humor or if he had been doing an uncanny Evil Assistwo imitation. "Nah," he surmised, "who'd want all that responsibility?" before turning off the snooze alarm and going back to sleep.